Dear Journal

We never talked about it
'cause you never even cared
And what you really wanted
I never even had

'cause what may seem right
And what may be wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I'm finding out that it's not enough
There's nothing left between you and i
I'm finding faith but losing us

Where worlds collide

Together we seemed perfect
A fairy tale for show
And looking on the outside
You'd never even know

That we're just not right
When compromises is wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

We're just not right
When compromise is wrong
Seems out of sight

It is but such a pain to follow what the Lord commands, but it is for my sake. Loving an unbeliever, loving God, which would you choose. Then your free will would begin. And yet you need to choose only one. To love him or to love HIM. Unfair it may seem, I say it isn't, it is what is fair and just. Knowing how he has been faithful and loving. Sometimes we just do now understand things. Just like how the moon stays up there and not fall from the sky. I may not understand but in due time i will. All i need is a willing heart. A heart that is subjective. A heart that is open for rebuke and is willing to be taught and corrected. God will let him understand. Just have a little faith. God will comfort me. God knows best!

I am just sooo charged up with this morning's message which was entitled: HOW GREAT GOD IS?! I just couldn't imagine how great my God is not until the preacher, a missionary to Indonesia told us that no matter how small and unpopular we are her on earth, God -- who could measure the number of the stars and even knows the number of you and i's hair... HE knows who i really am. I am SOOO BIG in HIS sight.

Sometimes i just think and look on the problem which is soo big and yet GOD is even bigger. He knows every detail of my life and that includes this burden i am facing and struggling.

Yesterday, i almost cried right then when my michael B. called up and tried to blame me on whatever would happen to his wife. I just couldn't think of more things that i could do to please him and her. What more could they ask from me? Sometimes i ask 'why do i deserve to be this way?' but then i ponder and subside... like what i always teach in my Sunday School lessons... i teach them to face the challenge since not all good things come from GOD, there may be troubles and heartaches that HE would let us meet. How do we face it? Face it with the strong shield of armor -- JESUS!