Dear Journal

Little did i know that God has been testing me with all these trials that come my way. Allow me to start off with:

1) The conflict between my sister and I. I know i have disappointed her. Obedience indeed involves pain. And i mean soo much pain that only God knows when it'd stop and end. I have been waiting for this to end. Struggling for 3 months, going on 4 months... could you imagine? Man! I can't wait, when i get to perfect these fruits of the Spirit : PATIENCE, FAITH/TRUST and HOPE. If He started it, He will be faithful to complete it. Romans 8:28 ~ these has a purpose. I may not understand what it is, but in due time i will.

2) Waiting for the right man. It was when i woke up this morning, when i read a message in my phone.. it was from my "friend" he just never quits on hurting me. He sends these messages and he's not even aware that i am hurting all the more. If only i could count on the things that i did for him... he tells me i break promises, and he tells me i left him all alone... what?! hello?! What else does he want from me? I am soo hurt and i think i don't deserve to be feeling this way. As i opened my eyes, i realized that God is waiting for me too! Confusing? Hmm... here's how it goes... If i wanted someone to grow old with, then i must give him my heart, and i mean my entire heart. Yet, little did i realize that i still am holding on something and someone from my past. I never let him go... So. I should from this time onwards, let God be.

Mr. B... God knows i have been praying for you. For your safety ang for God to embrace you with HIS loving arms. Someday, and i hope God will tell you how i am feeling for you. It hurts me sometimes that you only see me as your little sister. I just wanted you to feel and see right through my eyes that all i am longing for is you. I am waiting on God's leading... but i am hoping it would be you.