Dear Journal

How long should one wait for someone so one could start doing the other. Why does obedience have to hurt and would cause pain? I know in the end these things shall pass. I know that in obeying what God wants me to do... He would be more pleased with me. I am just doing things that would glorify Him.

It has been 2 weeks now that i have been waiting for my sister to talk with me. I was ultra shocked with what she told me last night. I couldn't even believe that she could say that. 'I am just a hypocrite. Making the church as an alibi.' I was never expecting she would tell me those. I got gooseflesh and i am all the more struggling. I am telling her the truth that I would be working fulltime for the church. Why can't she just understand that i have a life as well. This is where I would be happy.

I have been helping her since, I know i should not be doing this... but it has been more than 2 years that all i have been doing is for her own good. She wanted me to go to Korea... and even if i insisted... she still wants me to. Staying there was never that easy. I was unhappy and wanted to go home but she doesn't want me to. I know they have paid for my air fare, but i guess it's quite unfair for not feeling what ive been feeling. Working for her, i am just unhappy. She just doesn't want to listen sometimes.

This time... Since i have done my part, wanting to talk to her and asking for forgiveness... I have done everything but it's her who doesn't want to listen. How may i be able to continue what God wanted me to do... if they wouldn't let me go. I am thankful, my friends are there to listen to my cries. They comforted me. And even Hope, this junior in church... i was so blessed when she just patted my back and said... "Everything's gonna be alright." I am all the more thankful that God has been there for me and is soo faithful. Im glad He loves me more than anything. ^^