Dear Journal

Ain't this a song? This is what i needed the most these days. Though i may not feel well, I have to go on with the day and do all the responsiblities. Staying up late and getting up early... this is still normal right?! I guess. Having a busy life is a blessing... and will continue to be when you keep on thanking Him even for small things that you get each second of your life.

Our teacher in Experiencing God study says, "Man loves to hear thank you's and even likes it more if you appreciate what he did when others don't even seem to notice what he did."

He is just exactly acts this way... if you thank Him all the time... there's no doubt He will shower you more with blessings more than you could imagine!

My brother didn't notice and was not able to close the gate when our dog tried to go out. Chancho took the chance and made his way, determined to kill that stray cat. I have no idea where that cat and who owns that cat... so long as he sees it, he won't give any chances... he'll surely tear it into pieces. It took us almost an hour or i guess that was for 30 mins to get him. He seemed to be enjoying where he wanted to go.

When my brother got hold of him... there was no room for those feeling sorry. He hit chancho so hard to the point that it took chancho almost the entire night not to be scared of him. I tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen. Well, that's how he is... he just doesn't have patience and understands sometimes. All he thinks of is himself at some times.

Oh well, it's a good thing that he begins to care for him now. He even gave chancho a shower. Ain't he sooo cute!! :P

I am so glad that He has been hearing my prayers and been answering them one at a time in His perfect timing. I just couldn't tank Him enough for the things that He did for me.

I have talked with my 선생님 last night, he got some good news and as always, whenever i can i am always there to help. I was struck with what he told me last night which somehow was true.

"People close to us would somehow wants to be away from us."

Pretty confusing huh?! I was too at first but when he tried to explain it... I was enligtened. It's just like Jesus who was ignored or cast out in His own place. People who are close to us, would somehow not trust us, or they would, they expect too much. I feel the same way... and i could really tell and realize that you shouldn't look at people but look at Him. You would never go wrong and you can always trust and count on Him whenever and wherever you may be.

We are almost at the end of our study in Experiencing God. Unit 9 is about obeying God and how to do it. I was amazed and challenged yesterday at how Bro. Larry Gadger taught us. We all have this spiritual monuments in life and each block is connected to the other. How do we respond? Although we have this free will but we ought to do what we ought to do. Follow and obey what He wants us to do. Before we could do that... bottomline is: knowing Him - love Him - believe and trust Him - > then we could obey.

We may do our ways and stumble along the way and even don't want to do what He says... but isn't it great to have a God of second chances. He forgives if we ask Him to. And most of all... He is there ready to bring us up whenever we fall. What a joy!

He loves me more than i could ever imagine!!!

I do not know why i'm feeling this way recently... must be because i just wanted to give time for myself. Well, honestly... i just miss people that's all. I know people have been praying for me... it's just that... i'm only human and i do get tired sometimes. I'd rather do something than wait and be doing nothing...

Whatever this word may mean... may it be spelled with  스트레스 or s-t-r-e-s-s ... it doesn't matter... they just both mean the same thing. Aaargghh!! I hate to think sometimes that i could not even have time to relax and really take a whole day rest when there are people who just live and let live. They enjoy when others are working. I never thought that going to the beach and just sitting watching the sun set or even watching the sun rise would be as interesting as i could ever imagine. 선생님 always tells me that he goes to the beach and just watch the sun as it sets and enjoys the scenery. I thought it was that sad... uughh! I could only imagine... it would only break my heart, I think! :P

I am really hoping i could find time to relax and enjoy even for just a day....

I am just feeling blue today ....

What is it with Valentine's Day? Why is it such a biggie deal to most?

"I will always love you... No one can aver take your place..."

Why do you have to make promises when you don't intend to keep them? It only makes my heart break.

*sigh......

I was a sorta confidant to my best friend and to his girlfriend. Thanks for trusting me guys. I knew from the start that you two love each other so much, so, i never stopped praying for your relationship to be stronger than before.

Why do guys have to make some promises they don't even keep? Do you ever think how we even feel? I wonder what you've been thinking whenever you forget your word. I hate myself!!! I know i should've forgotten all about you but here i am trying to refresh my memory with those moments we shared 2 years ago when i went to your place. I know i did the craziest thing one could ever imagine... what can i say... i did it coz i love you. And here i am sitting... waiting ... for nothing ... i never saw how you love me. You never showed the ways. I hate you!!! Why did you even love me and taught me to love you back. Why did you let me love you more than anyone or anything in this world? I am suppose to forget all about you so i could have the guy God has been preparing for me here in my heart. But here you are still... deep in my heart... i could not even dig to let it out... It's has been a stain that never comes out. Aarrggghh!!! you probably are out there enjoying with some ladies... It's but unfair sometimes... guys can easily recover when girls don't.

I was reading our chat history... i was reading those emails that i sent and those emails that you sent. It only breaks my heart into pieces. I have to let go of you... but how?! I wanted to forget you... but how?!

*sigh........... T_T

Why would people not see the effort you have done for them? You've been doing everything and it seems that there isn't one that she sees.

"We keep on saying to have things done later .... "

"I am doing everything i can here... and i even gave up things just for your own good... "

Is it because of stress? What are her reasons why she doesn't seem to know what you've been doing? I really don't know. Is it because she's not here and she could not see? As far as i know, she haven't exactly changed even when i was there for a month. Although, their house seem to be still the same, and even the fridge is uncleaned. Isn't it your house or your room would also determine the way you live? Im not being judgemental here... i just don't seem to understand why people don't know how to prioritize things and when they fail, they tend to blame others for it.

"Are you sure this is all you need? ... "

"Coz i really got nothing left here... except for the tithe, but i couldn't get the money, it's for HIM... "

He is in my prayer list and up until now, i didn't cancel out his name. I know he will consider that im working and im also saving for my future. It seems that when i have money he knows that i have it and he asks for it til it's gone. Now, im left with spending my own money paying the bills. When will he be able to know the expenses and the bills. Sometimes, i wonder if he ever thinks of that... where would i get the money. It's still the 15th of the month and all my wallet is gone dry. Pay day is still on the last day of this month. Arrghhh!! I hate it sometimes... why do i have to think of where i'd get the money. Sometimes, i just look on the brighter side... God wanted me to live by faith like a missionary does... waiting for the money and allowance to come. He wanted me to trust Him that He'd never fail to provide all my needs. How does that sound?

From the day i came from korea, there wasn't any day that was not a busy for day for me. there wasn't any day where i just stayed at home and unpacked my bag and even cleaned my messy room! I just sleep in the living room coz my room is really full of mess!! There's really no room for me to sleep. I have decided... on saturday, since i would be alone in the house... i will clean my room and start my daily routine! phew! (good for my brother, he always go to the outdoor and have fun, when here i am working and even paying some bills! arrghh!!)

I do have lots of pending jobs to do. From church works to my job and even for myself.

Today, my best friend's girlfriend will be leaving... i told them both last night to stop arguing! I am really glad and happy that they got back! I was praying for them to be doing ok.

Next week would be another busy week for me. The seminars in the church on Thursday and Friday. We have to be there! It's only for our good! I am really happy that this joy i have here in my heart is overflowing that i don't even feel tired of working. As what i always carry with me... Colossians 3:23!

We started the long road trip... and i mean long.. Could you just imagine... we left at around 11:00AM and we had lunch in just a rest stop. They call it service area. And went on the road again on our way to Incheon Airport. We stopped and took some pictures on the highway bridge... the longest bridge in Korea. And even if we're too cold.. we still got the chance to strike a pose. We were freezing! My knuckles and my cheeks were soo red.

It was already past 6PM when we arrived at Incheon Airport. My korean teacher was there... I really appreciate his time and effort that he gave not only to me but to my sister and her family as well. He gave me another book... Korean Made Easy. This is really a great help to me!

I brought with me my pink phone. Not the motorolla but the an LG 3G phone. It was a video phone. And i was hoping it would work when i get to philippines. Boarding time came... It was time for good byes... i really really hate!!! I don't like saying good byes... but what should i do?! I have to go home. So i bid good bye and even to my teacher. It was a dinner to remember at the airport. He didn't know i kept a napkin from that restuarant.

Flight 5J 159... we left Korea at 9:30PM (KST) .... after 4 long hours ... 1:30AM (Phil time) we reached Mactan International Airport. Home at last!

Then Sunday came... I was hoping i could really have and enjoy the phone i brought. Number was even my birthday. In my prayer list, new phone and pink was gone. I thought He answered my prayer. And i do not know why i didn't check out the Motorolla. It was then i knew that He wanted me to have not a pink Motorolla phone, but just a Motorola phone. I couldn't imagine i have this kind of phone. A 3G phone from Moto. Sweet! and pretty cool huh?! Weekend was so busy for me and even this week since i've been starting with my travel agency thingy. Been praying about this.

My prayer list continues as my journey goes on... Ronald came to the house as always early in the morning. I just didn't mind him do that, im always here to help. He and his girlfriend is getting really complicated. This time he asked me to be in between. He asked for my help. How?! I asked wisdom from Him.

Opportunities come my way and i really thank God for these. My teacher will be handling Bible Studies in their church in English. Im always glad to help. I sent him some pages of my materials. But i will be sending him more later.

Ahh.. God is just soo good! And i could not imagine what my life would be if not for HIM. I am enjoying and having fun serving the Lord.