Dear Journal

As part of my responsibility as a content writer for our church website... i was made to make a content for this month... Commitment month. I remember those moments when i was to keep a promise. They say it's always meant to be broken.. which is also the reason why i don't want to make commitments and promise if i know i can't keep them. I've tried it once before when someone made a promise and didn't even bother if i'd get hurt if he doesn't plan to keep it. I don't want to recall.. it only hurts me when i'd remember.

Although January is about to end and February is soon to start... i once read in my daily devotional book, it says about letting this month be a Jumpstart... a diving board so to speak. Reading that book by Nicholas Sparks, my all-time fave writer, my brother gave me a book, Dear John, before i left, he says i have to read it on my way here... I'm almost done on the last chapter... it breaks my heart everytime i read it... it's really a sad story. makes me remember those moments... aarrghhh!!! there i go again! grrr! i hate myself everytime i do this!

Anyway, a promise is a promise... One you make one... you have to honor your word and keep it! Don't make commitments when you're not sure you can't do it.

On our way to church last Sunday, snow started falling... it was not that heavy when the church service started, but when lunch time comes... snow started falling so heavy! it was getting thick and fluffy!! weee!! Anyway, my brother-in-law decided we'd go to Muju resort in the afternoon. So, we put on our gears... i mean... my nephew and brother-in-law put on their gears an dgot ready to go! My sister and I decided to just not ski and wanted to just stay at the side and take pictures of them skiing. I'd prefer that way! Ski shoes really bugs me!! They're sooo heavy i can't even walk straight! hehehe :p

I remember the last time we went there... I mean it was the first time we went there... It was my birthday 2006... it was my first time to ski and even see snow! Temperature was way low... imagine a -7 degrees Celsius. Whaah! It was a good thing it was only -0.7 degrees this time. BUT... the winds was too strong and the snow was pouring on our heads! I hate to wear those heavy clothes... they make me walk like a robot! :P On our way to the parking lot, we dropped by the Hello Kitty Shop! I can't believe i'm in that shop! I was mezmerized by the pink kitten! She's sooo cute!!! My sister bought for me a key chain and a notebook... told her i'll be using it for church sermon notes! Thanks te!

I'm really having a great time at Muju! No heavy shoes... bulging jackets... it was definitely one afternood and night to remember!

I arrived at exactly 9:15PM (KST) in Incheon international airport on board Cebu Pacific. As i looked the ourside through the window, i saw some melted snow on the runway. It was -2 degrees celsius. It was as cool as i was expecting it to be. I first saw my brother in law then my sister... i just missed her soo much. i hugged my nephew too! Then i saw my Korean teacher. I wasn't expecting him to look that way... he looked not his age, a little younger though! Anyway, we were able to talk for a while. I really appreaciated it that he came to meet me. He gave me this book that is really soo helpful in my study.

The weather: Whaah!! I really don't like this kind of weather. It makes me go brrr.... hehehe! I just couldn't stand these Koreans enjoying the cold weather. Well, they've spent all their lives with this kind of weather. What can i say?!

We went to this mountain about a thousand plus elevation. I was able to see the lovely ice melting on the trees. The colors of those glaciers that reflects the light that was purposedly placed to look awesome. ahhh! i was in awe at how God created these things...

With my fourth day of stay here... i am starting to miss everyone: the church, my friends, my job, my brother and our dog. I've missed a lot as i am staying here... I am only praying and hoping i would be able to fulfill His mission.

At this very moment i should say i am not prepared to leave tomorrow. I know my flight will be in the afternoon it's just a that... it's really a drag going there. I will definitely miss church the most! I will miss the Young People's Program, where we get to be the host for the afternoon. Our topic is really touching, we wanted to have Job's story but done in modern times. I am just so missing everyone right now. Experiencing God Study? Of course i will miss it! Now, that my christian journey is getting exciting. Each day is really something different! Knowing how God has been blessing me and loving me constantly. These days, God has let me realize how important church is in my life. Without them, i may not be able to see and hear His will. Even if i'd just stay there for a little while, i will definitely be missing everyone here. I'll miss my brother, my friends, and the church! Let this heart of mine be for His glory... may i bring a blessing to the people there. I have to pack my things now... Next stop! Korea.

With this kind of job i have, having an unstable internet connection really 정말 bothers me. It's a good thing that my internet provider has this excellent customer service. Everytime i get to call them, they'd respond and pay a visit right away! Let me share to you my experience... * ring ring... Kamusta na ang connection ma'am?! ... well, i have to be honest, i do not know exactly what to do everytime when the internet connection is really unstable. So, there's this guy, an engineer from... (this telecommunications company that i am their subscriber) ... he came and tried his very best to fix and have my internet connection back to stable. He changed the port, (when he's not supposed to...) changed the modem (when he's not supposed to..) what can i say?! he's doing some extra efforts you know! whatever have i done to this guy?! i sometimes wonder... hmm... then he started to check and monitor every now and then if my connection's doing ok or not. Uhmm... i've learned something from this experience... when you're just kind to someone... people would definitely be nice to you as well. i wonder if other people could stand it when they try to be rude to someone else. i can't imagine myself doing that... a simple 'thank you' could make someone smile and could even brighten his day and yours too!

I hate it when it seems there's nothing i could do about it. Why won't this feeling never end? Yesterday, when i went out with my churchmates, i had a uhmm.. sorta not serious deal with the gurls! Well, you know who?! I told them that this year... since Pastor Kent told us to have a goal... better have something then. Here's what we'd agreed on... For this year 2008, we would have a relationship. Huh?! Unimaginable right?! Ridiculous?! Well, don't take it seriously though... it was sorta joke. We were just kidding around.

This afternoon, as i was in the middle of my job, i suddenly remembered him. I missed him all of a sudden. Well, you know who?! Arrghhh!! I hate it when this happens. I flipped over our chat history and read his emails and those messages that i sent to him. (i should've deleted them) Why does this feeling happen? I know it's been months since we broke up and i tried to forget him. I'm not even trying to communicate with him. Grrrr!!! I hate myself. I wanted my heart to be ready for that someone whom God has been preparing for. But when these things happen, im pretty sure it's impossible for Him to give to me the guy He's been wanting me to grow old with. *sigh... i got no one to talk to... the gurls aren't online.. T_T hope this would stop!

Do you sometimes let people decide for you? Do you sometimes do things your own way?

What would you do if people wants you to do things you don't want to? I hate when these things happen. It's been 3 years now that i have not decided things for myself. I know sometimes my decisions may not do any good for me. But i have somehow learned my lesson even if it's in the hard way. 2005, i had a boyfriend whom i rarely even know. I met him months after. 2006, i spent a week with him without letting my family know. I was wrong... totally wrong! I did things my own way, i was selfish and so i have to face the consequence.

Going to Korea is not even what i wanted. Although it may be an opportunity for me to enjoy and be in a totally different place, there is no place like home. I wanted to go home and spend my birthday and spend christmas with mama, papa and kuya over here in philippines... but they wanted me to stay! arrgghh!! can't they ever feel what i felt?!

2008, working in Japan may be an opportunity for me. If i did my own way and flew to Japan as what i wished... i could not imagine what my life would be there. I always thank God that people in church would really help me open my eyes and see the truth. They helped me during those moments when i was tremedously lonely. I have to let go the person whom i knew i have loved so dear. Why would these things happen?! Sometimes i ask God why can't i be with him?! I'm still praying for him though, he needs my prayers the most.

Staying in Korea... how long should i stay there?! Whaaa!! Why does she always gets to decide and not let me know what her plans are. I know i have to help her alright... why can't she just tell me that all she ever wanted is... i must not tell... i hate to think that people gets to decide for myself.

My brother tells me that people don't have the right to do this to me. He tells me to stand on whatever decision i make. Be firm for no one can let me do things when i don't want to. My teacher tells me to cheer up and just think about my sister who feels lonely in that place. A place where she decides she'd live. Sometimes i come to think of it, he might be right... arrghhh!!!! i just hate it!

But somehow, i could not do something about it. er.. it's just that, it's just so hard to weigh things when you have  someone here in your heart trying to convince you do such a thing. It's not easy sometimes when you're a christian. You see Jesus in the eyes of those people surrounding you... how difficult is that! huh?!

The good thing about digital cameras is that even if your cam is broken, you still could keep the memory card, am i right? or am i right? haha! Anyway, i uploaded the photos i took when we had our FREE CLINIC in Baclayon, Bohol. This is my first time to be with the GLYSDI (God Loves You So Do I) ministry. We rode on MV Weesam, a fast craft which takes 2 hours to Bohol.

Here's what we do everytime we have FREE CLINICs:

1) We separate the pills as to serve every patient that comes.

2) check their BP and sometimes and get their information.

From young and old, people gather just to have their body's check. You could really see how blessed you are to have a healthy body. Better take care of yours, it's God's temple. But most importantly, our main concern is to spread and let people know how to get a ticket to heaven. Our bodies may be cured when we get sick, but our soul will surely be in hell if not for Jesus. I really owe HIM my life.

Ever notice these happy smiles and glow on their faces? That's Melyn (left), she and i get along much in this ministry. We thought it was for the t-shirt that we joined this ministry but all we know the Lord has been trying to reach both our hearts to serve. After all, this is my gift! Service and Mercy!! Ain't they a perfect pair.

I've attended and served GLYSDI ministry for more than 3 months now... who would've thought?! We just had a FREE CLINIC held in church last December.

I just couldn't explain the joy of serving and helping someone! ^^