Dear Journal

I hate it when it seems there's nothing i could do about it. Why won't this feeling never end? Yesterday, when i went out with my churchmates, i had a uhmm.. sorta not serious deal with the gurls! Well, you know who?! I told them that this year... since Pastor Kent told us to have a goal... better have something then. Here's what we'd agreed on... For this year 2008, we would have a relationship. Huh?! Unimaginable right?! Ridiculous?! Well, don't take it seriously though... it was sorta joke. We were just kidding around.

This afternoon, as i was in the middle of my job, i suddenly remembered him. I missed him all of a sudden. Well, you know who?! Arrghhh!! I hate it when this happens. I flipped over our chat history and read his emails and those messages that i sent to him. (i should've deleted them) Why does this feeling happen? I know it's been months since we broke up and i tried to forget him. I'm not even trying to communicate with him. Grrrr!!! I hate myself. I wanted my heart to be ready for that someone whom God has been preparing for. But when these things happen, im pretty sure it's impossible for Him to give to me the guy He's been wanting me to grow old with. *sigh... i got no one to talk to... the gurls aren't online.. T_T hope this would stop!