Dear Journal

As children bring their broken toys

With tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God,

Because He was my Friend.

But then, instead of leaving Him

In peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help

With ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,

"How can You be so slow?"

"My child," He said, "What could I do?

You never did let go."

Thank you for revealing to me your feelings. Thank you for letting me know what's in your heart. Bahala na lang kung masakit lahat ng mga sinasabi mo, tatanggapin ko na lang. Now i know there's no more reason for me to miss you and still think about you. You hated me for no reason. Wala naman akong ginawa saung masama ah. Kung tutuusin, I was waiting for you. Naghintay lang ako sa wala. Nagsinungaling ba ako?! Ikaw ata un. You lied to me from the start. At kahit nagsama na tau, you still kept something from me. Did you ever loved me back? You didn't even trust me. Pero salamat at alam ko na ngaun that you didn't even care and you were not loving me all along. At anong gusto mo mangyari? ... Ako pa gagawa ng move? I did my ways just to prove to you how much i loved you pero ikaw? ... Did you even try? Nag-antay ako sa tawag mo pero wala... Nag-antay ako na dalawin mo ako pero wala ... anong gusto mo gawin ko? ... hanggang email lang paren ba relationship natin? Akala ko ba gagawin mo lahat kung mahal mo 'sang tao. I never saw your ways. Ang dali lang naman ng mga ginagawa mo ah... email at text lang... oo nga you went with me goin back home pero dapat lang samahan mo ako. From the moment that we decided to be together, we were responsible for each other. eh ako, i gave up my job, I lost my family's trust, I left my brother sa hospital, both my parents have heart problems and i made them worry so much, inubos ko pa savings ko, I gave up my life para lang sau.

Di na maibabalik lahat. Kaya i chose to stay here kasi alam ko wala din naman akong mababalikan. Ngaun, ako pa ung masama?! Ang sakit sakit ng mga binitawan mong salita, nagalit ba ako sau?! Hindi nman ah! I choose to remain silent. Ngaun lang ako nag salita. Akala mo ba madali para saken lahat? Sister ko lang lagi kong ini-email, i tell her that i've been missing you pero for all i knew you were hating me all along. How stupid of me... Naghirap pa naman akong kalimutan ka, i was having the hardest time. I felt helpless and hopeless. Akala ko hindi matatapos and things wouldn't be clear. Salamat that you let me know that you hated me so much. Bahala na lang kung masakit, I'd eventually heal and have my heart back. Lagi ko pa naman pinepray na sana He'd let me see you once again, pero imposible na mangyari un. I thought I could restore a relationship kahit friendship man lang pero hindi ko na magawa 'coz the other doesn't want to. God has been planning this all along. You and i will find someone, I mean 'find' isn't the right word, he will just come into my life... Someone who'd lead, someone who'd love me, someone responsible and most of all someone who's brave enough to tell the whole world how much he loves me and would let me know how special i am.

We' re both going on different directions, I've learned a lot of lessons. I'm going on with my journey, a guided journey. And i hope you are too. Sana hindi mo na pangungunahan ung damdamin ng tao. 'Yan kasi hirap sau, lagi mo iniisip na masama, inaakala mo un ang mangyayari when in fact you never even tried it yet. I do hope you could still remember... hindi mo sinabi ung totoo kasi akala mo layuan kita at hindi na kita mamahalin. You say you didn't call kasi alam mo na hindi 'bibigay un phone... ang daming chances na pinalagpas mo. Sana sa susunod na makilala mo, you'd be true and honest to her. Sorry kung hanggang dun lang kaya kong ibigay, ginawa ko na lahat just to be the best girlfriend, friend and bestfriend but it seems i was never good enough for you. Give her you love, and show to her that you have the courage to prove your love. I've learned a lot sa relationship natin nun. And i thank you for that. 'til then 'sweets'