Dear Journal

At this very moment, a year ago, it was when i realized that i like this special guy. I thought dreams would come true when i'd tell him how i feel. They say before it's too late, i have to say what i feel, and so... I did! but things doesn't always happen the way you wanted it to be. Things would never be the same again. I am trying to get over with him, and i guess that goes to him too. Forgetting a friend is really sad, and to tell you honestly, it's really the hardest. Someday, One day, you and i will get to meet someone who'd we'd grow old with. Someone who'd love you more than i have loved you. You and i still have lots of responsibilities to attend to. I just put my full trust in my God, i know in due time, everthing will be perfect. I know He's never late, never early but just in time!

'til then ...

Romans 12:3 "The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us."

here's a poem by Russell Kelfer:

You are who you are for a reason.

You're part of an intricate plan.

You're a precious and perfect unique design,

Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.

Our God made no mistake.

He knit you together within the womb,

You're just what he wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones he chose,

And no matter how you feel,

They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,

And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.

And God wept that it hurt you so;

But it was allowed  to shape your heart

So that into his likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,

You've been formed by the Master's rod.

You are who you are, beloved,

Because there is a God!

The scars i got from the slide at Seosungdae (a mountain resort) are almost gone. We went there after going to church last week. We went on the slides and took a dip at the cool river. It's really steaming hot in here so the best way to cool down is to go to rivers and hang out. We hit the slides, and got individual sleighs. When i saw my nephew tripped, i tried to use my feet to stop the sleigh but the speed was really fast, i tried to control it but i end up tumbling over. Literally, i rolled going down. I got bruises on my elbow and on my knees. My elbows are healing now, but my bruises on my legs are still there. But the good thing is ... i fell and i got up.

I couldn't help it but when i tried to equate the scars i have on my elbows with the scars i have in my heart. It's been more than half a year since i haven't heard and seen the boy who taught me to love unconditionally. It hurts me so much when he says that i didn't love him after all when he saw my ways. I couldn't help it but to ask myself if he really had loved me back. I thought the best expression of love is giving someone your time. I didn't see that in him. He never tried to call or even showed up and tried to see me. He hated everyone and that i guess includes me which is why he didn't come back. I've waited and i still am ... Although i may be million miles aways from him, but the memories we shared are still close to me. Wish that the scars in my heart would heal that fast just as the scars in my elbows are doing. I know that He has a purpose for everything, i just trust Him. Somehow, i will get over... I lost some of my friends 'coz i choose to. But in the end I am glad that i know who my true friends are ...my two best friends: J and M. And i'm glad there's my family whom i could always count on to ...

... 'til then ...

A name in the sand will never last,

the waves come rolling into shore high and fast.

And wash the lines aways,

But not the memories we shared that day

where we have trod this sandy shore,

our traces we left there will be no more.

But, wherever we are,

The memories will never be far.

Although I may not be with you,

Know that my love for you will always be true.

Those memories will last forever,

And in them we shall always be together.

Hold them close to your heart,

And know that from your side I will never part.

Though we tried writing our name in the sand, but when we tried to look behind, waves had already begun to wash the lines away.

I just had a busy week last week and it went on til the week next. My korean teacher keeps on letting me go to their house. She's my first Korean teacher, it is only with her that i've learned how to read and write korean (but not understanding what it meant), she's a good teacher and a friend rolled into one. Last week, like almost everyday, i go to her house. we bake some cookies together and she teaches me how to cook some korean foods. i teach her how to cook some western foods too, the simple ones coz she's like my sister who doesn't know how to cook. She only knew how t cook when she got married. We go to the park with her kids, i play with her kids too.

Last weekend, we went to Seoul. My sister brought her students to take the Cambridge University Test. It was really fun but tiring. We stayed in a hotel. There was my sister, my brother-in-law, my nephew, my brother-in-law's cousin (he drives the school van too) and some 5 kids. I was with the girls in the hotel room, and the driver was in the other. My sister was in the other room. It was exhausting, my sister was so tensed. But to top it all, it was fun.

Yesterday, at the church, i delivered a message at the pulpit. The elder asked me if i could deliver a message and i said yes! I was talking in english and he translated it. A lot of the congregation was touched by my message.

I got my international driver's license last monday. Now i could drive here with no worries. The last time i drove my brother-in-law's car at the free way, i was somehow worried, if the camera could see the driver. But nah! it was ok. i had fun driving at the free way. It was my first time to reach the 130kph speed. It was fun! Talk about Need for Speed huh?! Now, i'm free to drive the school van. I go with the driver to get the kids home and pick them up. Sometimes, i try driving the van, and it's ok!

here is the message i delivered last night at the mid week worship service.

We stayed in Seoul for a couple of days. We attented a wedding ceremony of my brother-in-law's cousin. And we tried to go to some places. My sister made it a point that in my auntie's one-week stay in Korea, she would have fun and unforgettable. Near the Blue House, they call it blue house coz the roof is painted blue. Since USA has their white house, so as Korea too.

Beside me to my right, is a real guard. They stay there for an hour. Not moving. They say they are there to guard the house of the royal palace. To my left is my brother-in-law's sister. She lives in Seoul. She owns a fashion boutique here. She shops in Hong Kong and sells them here.

This is the wedding i was talking about. They have Korean wedding halls here. Wedding ceremonies are held in a hall. It would only last for like a maximum of 30 mins then reception would follow. Marrying age here in Korea is 30+. Everytime they ask me what my age is, they would say i'm still young and have a long way ahead of me. (yea, gulp!)

We went to the tallest building here in Korea. The 63 Building. It has an IMax in here and a SeaWorld too. This was in the SeaWorld. It was the first time that i've seen a real penguin and a sea otter. We saw a sea lion show. It was a 15 mins show. Behind us is a big aquarium with lots of different kinds of species in it. Even if we're in the building, it was still cold that we have to wear 4 layers just to keep me warm. My sister let me borrow her long johns and some jacket too. It was really cold.

This was at the war museum. There were real fighting planes and could you imagine, there were the names of those soldiers who fought at the war. This is a building with their history in it. It took us the whole afternoon to tour round the building looking at and knowing how history brought Korea.

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March 25, 2006 , at 4:00PM I was on board Cebu Pacific on the way to Incheon, Korea. I bid my family goodbye. Hugged them so tight, i couldn't help it but tears just fell on my face. I was with my nephew and my auntie, who came home all the way from Canada to Philippines just to see me. Everyone was just so worried with what i did. Anyway, moving along... The trip to Korea was for 4 hours. We were the only Filipinos on board the plane and everyone else are Koreans. It was a long trip. I knew that everything would be ok as soon as i get to Korea. I have placed my trust in God..

March 25, 2006 , at 10:00PM (Korea Time) we've reached Incheon International Airport. I saw my sister and hugged her real tight as i saw her. My brother-in-law was there too. The airport was just so big and it was clean and tidy too.

It was really cold when we got out of the airport. No wonder, it was spring when we got here. It was even snowing one time. That was the first time i get to see the real snow.