Dear Journal

Let me count the sleepless nights i had just thinking of the man i used to love. I hate to think that life is so unfair. I get mad at Him sometimes, I know it's wrong. I believe both of us has gone on separate ways ... gone on to the opposite ends of this world. My life has been planned out by someone UP there. And I guess His life too. I feel hopeless. It was not until this afternoon that i come to realize that each of us has a job to fulfill. I know that my parents are on their way to America. Ilang months na lang then they'd be going to live there for good. My brother and I will be the only once left here or I don't know. If i get to work there in Korea, kuya ko nalang maiiwan. Parang kelan lang talaga ... Dati i was waiting for 5 months til i get to see you. Ilang months din ako naghintay na balikan mo ako. I thought my dreams would come true when i was with you. I thought i could build a family and have kids with you. I thought i could live happily with you by my side. Guess we couldn't make and design tomorrow right?

In my stay in Korea, dami ko natutunan. I've learned that di pala ganun kadali if you live sa ibang bahay. I was never comfortable living with my sister. My diary knows what i was going through. I've learned that having a family of your own is never that easy. But I've come to think of it, kung mahal mo ginagawa mo, then you'd enjoy and never get tired. Kung mahal nyo isa't-isa then di naman mahirap. Naalala ko tuloy when i was with my first true love, talagang inaalagaan nya ako when i stayed in their place. Though i was a total stranger, i felt comfortable at para bang alam na alam at kabisadong kabisado ko na un lugar at mga tao dun. I miss him 'til now. Things will never be the same. Only God knows kung anong mangyayari. I trust HIM that much that He would take care of him.

He got to take care of his family, I have my responsibility too. I have to take care of my parents, un kuya ko and un ate ko. Pastor Mel says, we should prioritize things. Putting God first and the rest will follow.

Reading through his messages and mails, naiiyak talaga ako. Pero ganun talaga, I have to face it that I can't be with him yet. Alam ko kung kami talaga then He'd surely find ways for us to be together. And if we don't end up together, we'll get over with each other someday. I just want you to know that i never broke a promise i made with you. Di naman kita iniwan ah. Andito lang naman ako. The reason why i let you go kasi di ko na kaya knowing na lagi mo ako inaalala. Minsan din nakakapagod maghintay. I know He loves you the way that He loves me. Always keep Jesus in your heart ok?!

If only things will happen the way you want it to be. If only every single wish would come true right then and there. If only God would answer those questions left unanswered... But i guess He just wants me to have faith and trust in HIM. I kept waiting and waiting but I've come to realize that He's just planning out my life. I do have plans on my own, but His plans will always remain the same and will never change.

Though it hurts to let people go in our lives but we must do it for the best. Though he was mad at me, bahala na. I want to get mad at him too. Mad, 'coz he never dared to call or do something to bring me back into his arms. Was he true to what he was feeling for me? But it doesn't matter now. I want to let him know that i never lied. 'Di naman cguro lie un pumunta ako sa kanya di ba? That i left my sick brother, gave up my dream job and spent my savings. That my love for him was totally different from what i felt for Roel. He was my first true love. I hate to think that sometimes I wish he never let me fall for him. Loving him was easy. I must admit that it's not that easy to forget someone you truly love. I'm having a hard time to get over with him. When time comes that I'd miss him which is every single day, all i do is pray and let God do His ways. I wore his shirt on his birthday. I really miss him a lot but i have to fight all these loneliness. If only you knew how hard it was for me. I only have a few days left here then I'd be going back to Korea. I still do not know if I could go home after I get there. Or probably I have to wait for 4 straight years 'til i could get back here. Then it would be just in time that my petition papers (for America) would be done. Only God knows!

If only those days I was with you would go back. If only time would go back to the day I met you. If only things will change. If only ... but we could never let rain fall from the skies, we could never move mountains so high neither could we count the stars in the sky ... God will be with you and me. Someday, One day, you and I will find someone we'll grow old with. God plans my life and yours too.

My love for you will always be a memory...

Wait For Me 

by Rebecca St. James 

Darling, did you know that I
I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time
And darling, did you know that I
I pray about you
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me

CHORUS:
'Cause I am waiting for, praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
'Cause I am waiting for, praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait

Darling did you know
I dream about life together
Knowing it will be forever
I'll be yours and you'll be mine
And darling when I say
" Til death do us part"
I mean it with all of my heart
Now and always faithful to you

CHORUS

Now I know you may have made mistakes
But there's forgiveness, and a second chance
So wait for me, darling wait for me
Wait for me
Darling wait for me

CHORUS